do you know how much I fucking miss you? I, too miss all the happy times together with you. I don't mean to cause hurt and pain to you but somehow I just had to let it all out. I've been giving in too many times.

I assured you that I won't do anything to hurt you and whatnot but no, you just had to think I'm like the other guys just saying it. just throwing it out there. I mean what I say. you think I'm lying.. I can't help it? all I can say is I know what I'm saying is true and I keep my word.

now you deactivated fb and twitter etc. what is this? it's clubbing and its just ONE time. you're showing me attitude, ignoring me. fine go ahead. talk to your guy friends. complain all you want. isn't that what you've been doing all along? you say I take you for granted. how about you?

All this things that is happening revolves around you. cause most of the time is about you.

now what? thinking of going back to your country? just because of this? ONE TIME CLUBBING? WITH MY GUY FRIENDS? DON'T TELL ME IT'S A DIFF CASE ETC. I DON'T BUY IT.

BECAUSE DEEP DOWN YOU DON'T TRUST ME AT ALL.

I really really wished you were by my side now.. I miss you so fucking much but this is happening.. so I'll just let you be..

who am I kidding. the fault always lies with me. fml.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. imy

I WON'T LEAVE YOU. I'VE SAID IT MANY TIMES. WHY WOULD I DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I LOVE YOU. NO MATTER WHAT WE'RE GOING THROUGH.

not good enough

if you're unhappy.. why are you still with me?

I know I'm not good enough for you. don't expect so much from me.

just ignore me.. be alone. do what you have to do.. I'm used to it anyway.

you've done it so many times..

sigh

You want it to be this way? Yeah, I know I haven't been calling you up lately. I know I don't text you interesting topics like your other guy friends do. Yes I know. But is it wrong of me to just ask from you? I ask if it's me because I wanna hear it from you. Just say it. Don't give me piece by piece information. Because that's not helping. Don't say I keep asking and all. Like I said, I wanna hear it from you.

If you aren't happy with me, say it. Don't keep me in the dark. You text your guy friends all about whats happening between us. It's between us. I'm sure we'll find a way through this. right? But no, you gotta have someone to text you. Someone there. Just talk to me for Christ sake. Don't take me for a fool. One being the reason I don't text as much is because you're preoccupied with the other guys texting you all.
You say like I've got no interest well infact I do. I feel lonely too.

I try asking you something, you give me a simple replies. Doesn't mean I don't call you up and check on you means I don't give a damn about you. I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH. I know I tend (my bad) to repeat what I say like - imy, ily etc. You think it's cliche? Why? I don't. You wanna believe that I just say for the sake of it then IDK what to say.

If you don't open up to me, how can I help?
I always assure you that, I WON'T LEAVE YOU. I WON'T LEAVE YOU FOR ANOTHER GIRL NO. I'M NOT LIKE THAT. I MEAN IT. You think it's action speaks louder than words? up to you.
It is wrong to keep myself occupied? really? I let you do your stuff I don't say anything, but when it's me.. its a whole diff story.

You say you miss the old me? what? It's still me. You really trying to imply that I'm changing? Like all the others? I still treat you like my baby girl. My princess.
Even if I knew something was wrong, I'll call up. Don't say I don't. You won't pick up. Don't give me your no mood as an excuse. You say I don't care.. THAT HURTS ALOT.
YOU VERY WELL KNOW HOW DEEPLY I LOVE YOU.

Plus, I know you have blogged about me before in other posts. I read, I try to make amends. That goes to show that I do care alot. I'm not trying to pick a fight by doing a post about you all. I love you, I really do. I want us to go back the way things were too.

You guy friends texting you, comforting you just makes me feel like shit. You'll never know how that feels like. It's like replacing me. (I don't buy that crap about if they're just concern all. saying they are attached. most of them liked you before makes it all the more worse for me..)

I love you always now and forever. Promise. No lies. Coming from my heart.

I know. I suck. Over a little thing I ruined your mood etc. Still, don't go off on me just like that.. keep saying I don't care about you while in fact I do.. so bloody much. Say I neglect you.. which I didn't because we both have our busy moments sometime.

Nevermind. I suck.

I can't take it

You talk to many guys, you have many guy friends. Obviously I will be jealous. Any guy in my position will say the same thing. Sigh.
You don't see me talking to many girls or chatting with them alot. Maybe that's why you feel safe or smtm. But for me? No. Even if you said that their just friends and that their nothing to what I am to you. I still feel jealous..

Everytime I talk to you online about it you don't like it. You say you're moodless then go off straight away making me feel like one asshole. Yeah I know I brought it up, sorry that you went moodless but going off staight away like that? You're like pointing the guns right back at me.

Friends before me.. where does that put me? You don't wanna hold my hands with your friends alr its like.. nvm. ah fml.

sad?

I feel sad. fuck.


sigh.

We aren't spending enough time together anymore.. sigh.

I hate the way you go off on me. I hate when you don't reply my text. I hate how you treat me when you're with your friends, like I'm not even there. Why is it so hard?
Its always me. Not you. I've had it. I won't text you. I'll let you be. I'll be ALONE. It fucking hurts. I don't know what to do anymore. sigh


I'm the worst bf..

sigh

It's me

It's always me. Im to blame for everything. Okay? Every time we argue it's not like I want it to happen.. sometimes I think it's the way you look at it. You think I've changed this and that. Fine I'll just keep quiet. But when I try to make it up to you, trying to get your attention back by texting you, you don't reply me. You give me the cold treatment. You always say this 'sorry...bye'. You know how hurting that can be? You know how I feel? I know I'm not the best boyf for you. I can't be perfect. I just can't. No one is perfect. I've been through too much shit alr. I love you, that's why I don't have the heart to ignore you. Maybe this is happening because I'm jealous? Idk. Maybe it's cause I'm from a guy's school. sigh. I don't have much friends, but you have alot. People who cares for you. I doubt for my case no one cares at all. I'm a loner. Always was and always will.
I tear when we argue because I hate it. It's all my fault.. I don't need anyone to care for me anymore. I'd rather be alone... sigh.